Trick or treat

Time to be a pagan and dress up as something ridiculous. Me? I am going to be quite scary as Poison front man/VH-1 Rock Of Love's Bret Michaels. I will feel so pretty.

Movin' on

Bryan gave his notice yesterday. It just became the better option for him and it is what it is. Things weren't able to get to where they needed to be for him. It stinks. No question about that. So we're trying to get the department some structure. Not sure why I am involved but like most things lately, I am. It's fine I guess. I just have zero knowledge about that side of the business and I still have my own job to do. Oh yeah remember that part? My job? I've been basically squeezing that in between all the insanity. Well at least I'm busy right?

Back to the real world

So baseball is finally done. The Red Sox won and that's not a big surprise. The Rockies didn't embarrass themselves (not counting Game 1) but the layoff they had going into the Series killed them. And not to be outdone, the attention whore Yankees had to get their A-Rod drama going along with announcing their manager. Nice job.

Ah yes but my Saints my Saints. The Saints are now only a GAME back in the NFC South and torched the Niners yesterday. They WILL make the playoffs. Write it down.

Moline Miscellaneous

Alot happened last week and I know that even in my 2 parter, I forgot to mention things. Let's see what else I can recall.

One of our employees out there has a brain tumor and was diagnosed that Monday. His wife is also an employee. So that cast a cloud over the madness. They did a biopsy and will know the results this week.

I was asked what I thought of the mansion by the CEO a few times. His response was "we made a mistake with that didn't we?" We did. The problem is exactly what I thought it would be. We're too spread out and people aren't communicating because of that. It's the wrong environment for a small group.

I need to watch over the dot comedians if Bryan takes the other job. That means making sure they can do their jobs without him. Making sure they can do his job and probably make sure that I can as well. I feel like crap about that whole situation.

I am sure more will come to me today.

The week that was Part 2

When we last spoke, our hero was in Moline and was in the mist of a bizarre week. Bryan had set in motion his plan to get his department its freedom from its current supervisor, Charles. Let's remember now, Charles has no knowledge of any of this. And up until Tuesday, I had no knowledge of it either. I thought Bryan was just coming with me to aid me with my anxiety with travelling.

So going into Thursday, I assumed it could not top Wednesday. After all, I was leaving around noon so what could possibly happen. They were doing physicals and blood screens at the office for our new health program. I was not participating since I really needed to meet with my physician when I got back anyway.

The first episode was Melissa who apparently hates needles. She hates them so much she was on the floor flipping out at the size of the needle. They had to try a smaller one to get her blood. Then came Brian who turned white, passed out after the blood draw and apparently had a seizure. All I know is people were running around screaming to call 911 which they did.

So the paramedics came and the blood tests came to a halt. Brian eventually came back to his desk and seemed unaffected by it all. I asked him if he was okay and he said "At least he was upright and conscious." Good point.

Then my boss came and asked if I had a minute. Oh boy, here we go again. This conversation was interrupted by the CEO who came into my boss's office and said when I have a chance, could I see him. I was like well why not now? So the CEO asked me even more about Bryan's situation and he seemed bothered by having to make a decision so quickly. I just said he needed to push Bryan more on details, etc etc etc.

So the conversation with my boss is the one I can't discuss, not even on the blog. Sorry that one is confidential. A shame too...it's a doozy. But after the convo, I was getting ready to leave and the CEO asked if I wanted to go to lunch right before my flight. I declined of course. Hell I needed to come up for air!!!

On Friday, I took a personal day which I did really need to do. First, Bryan called me to let me know that it was not looking good. I guess the CEO was feeling backed into a corner. I told Bryan to maybe seek out my boss as a meditator since I had apparently been the mediator while I was out there. A while later, my boss called. He was letting me know that it was not looking good for Bryan and that yes, the CEO felt backed into a corner on this decision. I explained that Bryan felt the same way since he had that other job offer and that was why he needed a committment.

ANYWAY...that was basically the week as best as I can type it. I had a good time and felt much more connected to the company. More than ever actually. I have alot of decisions to make, very serious ones. We'll see how it goes.

The week that was part 1

Ok, I lied that I was going to wait until Monday. Let's go thru some of what happened this past week which really was the wildest, weirdest week I have had in a long time.

The first thing to consider is that I was in the home office in Moline and was not happy about traveling. So I asked Bryan to accompany me. He was more than happy to come which I just attributed to him wanting a free trip. It turned out to be more than that.

When we got there he said he needed to tell them that he was not happy with the direction of his department and was going to speak with the CEO about it. So on Tuesday, he did. He basically outlined his plan to change things and it did NOT include his boss Charles, in said plan. And while it was a nice talk, Bryan didn't feel it went as well as he would like.

So Tuesday evening he told me that he was going have to go in on Wednesday and tell the CEO that he could not work for Charles anymore and the key to all of this is that he has another job offer waiting to hear back from him. I did not know that prior to the trip, nor did I know he was going to talk with the CEO about all of this.

So I thought about the situation and asked if he wanted me to talk with the CEO and try to explain things. He said it was going in to talk to him and not waiting til things get figured out. The ship had sailed. OK then. I then advised Bryan to make it clear that he would prefer staying with the company and basically play the role of good soldier.

So on Wednesday, he went in and did exactly that. He said he felt things went very well. And that the CEO was considering options. So that's good progress. Meanwhile, Human Resources is in the office for some unknown reason. I don't play it much mind initially.

Then, the CEO and my boss ask to see me. I am figuring we're going to talk about the operations manager position that I applied for and maybe just bullshit a little since we are all decent friends. They instead ask me about the situation with Bryan and Charles and all of that. Ok, I wasn't figuring I was getting involved but since I had offered to help Bryan last night with it, I already had in my head what I was going to say, so I was able to speak quite well to the situation.

To me, it seemed like a change was coming in that department. It seemed like it would happen soon. I met a little later on with just the CEO about it again. And I gave him some additional input.

After each meeting, it seemed like we were looking at a change and a change for the better. So no worries. I saw HR again as I was leaving the first meeting. But again, since HR is in the corporate office which is nearby...no biggie right?

As I was fixing to leave Wednesday, it turned out someone was using the in-house chat program to talk with co-workers about having sex. Yes indeed, cyber sex. The twist was the offender was female and she was going after guys in her own department. The guys actually took offense to it and turned her in. So, the logs were pulled as evidence. She was terminated the next day.

You just don't do things like that. I mean what the hell was she thinking?? It made no sense to me at all. I still cannot understand it.

Wednesday night I had dinner with my bosses and we talked about the Operations Manager position. I told them more about my vision and what I would change. I guess I was being felt out for something else as well. Unfortunately, I can't even say what THAT is. Yep I will mention it but not tell you what it is.

To be continued...

Moline: Epilogue

I am back in the New York Groove. It was one of...no it was THE most interesting trip I've been on. If Bryan wasn't with me, I think most people would just think I was bullshitting.

This trip had everything. It was like a feature film! The side plots were amazing and one side plot was actually the main plot. I can't even talk about the last bombshell, because it involved me and I am still surprised.

But I am not giving the details yet...nope. Monday's edition will have some details. That will include the ultimatums, the 911 call, the offers, the counter offers, the cyber sex scandal, and much more.

Live From Moline, it's almost over

At last, it's Thursday. I have enjoyed it though. Mostly because yesterday at the office was just an apeshit crazy ass day. I was injected into a lot of situations. Opinions were sought. I did enjoy it. But it is time to go home. I'll have a nice morning at the office and then hop a cropduster to Chicago.

Live from Moline, it's Wednesday morning

Yesterday - Flight was decent. Fast. I like Xanax. Layover in Chi-town was too long but that's the way it goes. Work was strange. I was able to work with Brando to find a potential billing hole which was good. I found out who is going against me for the Ops Manager position. I guess you could call me the front runner if there is no one else. I will do more digging today. There is a side issue brewing out here that I can't mention but I have been asked to do what I can to assist it. In a way, it does concern me but more on a personal/personnel level.

Today - We're heading in around 8am CST which is 9am back east, so that Bryan and I are still on the East Coast schedule. One goal today is to get as much newsys info as I can. Try to figure out the best way to regression test it. Learn more on the code. Also I plan on talking informally with Brad since I never got a chance yesterday. Also more of a formal chat with Marc which will touch on the aforementioned issue.

Say hello to Xanax

So now I have a new friend for the trip to help me quell these anxiety attacks...Xanax. I really didn't wanna to get a controlled substance but when you can't control shit like this, you do whatever you have to.

I spoke too soon before. I hadn't freaked out but sure enough I did. It was bad.

Monday

So it's Monday and the day before the trip. Yes I am not liking it but I am stuck going. Nervous yes. I haven't freaked today but hey, it's early. Plenty of time for a meltdown.

I really wish I knew why I have those episodes. What happened in the past to get me to this point? My parents never went anywhere and I am sure that's a part of it. There was always a fear when I was growing of how BIG the world is. Or maybe just how small I am? Doesn't make alot of sense but none of this does.

Facing my fears & coming clean

This is not a funny post. There are no jokes. This is me coming clean with something that whoever reads this will know. I am tired of hiding it and this week's trip has brought this up. Here it is...

I suffer from hardcore anxiety. What causes it? Being away from home and my wife. So yes one reason I don't go places is this anxiety.

Sometimes if I don't think about it, I do okay. Other times it's one of the scariest feelings I can have and it basically cripples me. I chose to go to Moline this week thinking it would do me good both career wise and mental health wise. Unfortunately today the anxiety I thought I was able to control showed up again.

I know it's illogical, trust me. What happens? I think about being away from my wife and my home and all I know...I freak. I basically want to do whatever I can to NOT go. I scheme of ways to get out of it. It's ridiculous.

It's alot like Jeckyl and Hyde. There is a side of me that everyone knows and then there is this profound darkness. The anxiety is part of that. Even my wild sense of humour is a part of that darkness. The song "Burning Bright" by Shinedown sums up how I really am. People think they know. They didn't.

I will go out to Moline and I have no clue what will happen. Last time I had a MAJOR anxiety episode the first night. It was bad. It was one of the scariest things I've dealt with and only 2 people knew it happened. I am praying it doesn't happen again but my mind seems to chose what happens. No control.

Why am I posting this for the world to see? One reason is I think it's therapy. Also I hope those out there who do read this can be there for me. My friend Bryan is going with me to Moline and he has no idea how fucking amazing it is that he is doing it. It helps me tremendously.

I guess we all have our flaws, our demons, our issues. This is one of mine and now you know.

The week ahead

This week I am travelling to Moline with Bryan to work out of the home office. I haven't been there in quite a while so it seemed like it was time. The challenge will be to still be myself and also not piss anyone off.

Bryan is a total standup guy for agreeing to go at basically the last minute. He will keep me company and hopefully keep me out of trouble. The last few weeks I haven't kept a low profile at all, so I need to not enrage anyone. That's a challenge.

So all week I will be blogging on here and letting everyone know what's going on. The plan is to probably blog more often than usual if anything interesting happens. Hopefully if something does happen, I won't be the cause.

Torre-less

Here is the truth since the media and the Yankee fans are in a fucking daze:

NYY: Hi Joe. Thanks for coming in. So we need to work this whole thing out.
Joe: Yes I agree, it's looking bad.
NYY: Joe, here is what we're thinking. We need a change but of course we don't wanna look bad for firing you.
Joe: Makes sense to me.
NYY: Plus we'd like you to be able to leave but not have to resign either since...well you aren't a quitter.
Joe: Right again.
NYY: So we're gonna low ball you with a decent contract offer but it will be a big paycut. So then you can just say you don't wanna work for that and maybe it's time to move on.
Joe: Hey great idea! And then I look classy and you guys can say "Hey we made him an offer"
NYY: Right. And when veteran players who we don't want anymore decide to leave because you did, we can say "We tried keeping Joe at a price we felt was right."
Joe: This is a win win. Plus the Yankee fans will fall for this easily.

Porcupine Tree & 3 rocked!!!!

There is the setlist courtesy of my insane nephew Chris who hopped on stage after the show was over and took it. It was the setlist for mainman Steven Wilson. Chris awarded it to me for my birthday. Thanks, buddy! You are crazy.

Also big thanks to my nephew Jeff who scored the second row seats for us all. Talk about a great view. Both bands kicked major ass.

Big rock show

In case you haven't heard or are blind, the Porcupine Tree show is tonight and will kick major ass. I am so excited to finally see them. I don't really care to meet them, if I do that's fine. The thing is I am not one to want to meet famous people. Part of it is that if they are assholes, it kinda blows my vision of them. The other part is that if they are cool and then I just say something fucking retarded like "hey like your music is like um cool"...that's pathetic. So anyway, the show WILL rock.

Porcupine Tree with special guest 3 at the Egg 10/18/07

In honor of the show, I have reloaded my jukebox over at my MySpace page to have the entire new Porcupine Tree album and its companion EP and some additional PT tracks AND even some songs by the opening band 3. If you don't know the music, check it out!!

Porcupine Tree and Three (3)

Don't follow me

My Sunday picks...5-5-2...not great. That's why I am not a gambler! I suck at it! I think that's the end of my little foray into picks. My advice is...good luck to you.

Idiot Jukebox updated

For those that give a rat's ass, the jukebox on my MySpace profile has been updated with a few new tracks. Whoopie.

NFL Picks

Cincinnati (-3)at Kansas City
I got skullfucked by KC last week so Herm can kiss my ass.

Houston (+6.5) at Jacksonville
This one feels wrong but whatever. Jax's defense is solid but I am on the Texans' bandwagon.

Miami at Cleveland (-4.5)
Miami is awful and my guess is Cleo "Chet" Lemon will be pumping gas next season.

Minnesota at Chicago (-5)
The Bears are back. The Vikes have no QB. Nuff said.

Philadelphia (-3.5) at NY Jets
I read somewhere that Andy Reid is undefeated after bye weeks. Must be the drugs at home.

St. Louis (+9.5) at Baltimore
Ravens will win but not cover.

Tennessee (+3) at Tampa Bay
Fuck it. Vince Young has a good game.

Washington at Green Bay (-3)
The Pack bounce back and cornhole the Skins.

Carolina at Arizona (-4.5)
Vinny Testaverde versus Kurt Warner. Yay medicare!!

New England (-5.5) at Dallas
Randy Moss versus Terrell Owens. Yay medicaid! Figure that one out.

Oakland at San Diego (-9.5)
I guess the Chargers have awoken.

New Orleans (+6.5) at Seattle
GODDAMMIT WIN A FUCKING GAME!

NY Giants (-3) at Atlanta
Leftwich takes over and it doesn't matter.

Trust in the Lord, motherfucker

The sign that caused the uproar...

You know...

It's really tiring being me. It shouldn't be exhausting being yourself.

Have I Offended Someone?

Apparently I have the ability to offend people and I do so without really even knowing it. Once someone has been offended they make it their cause in life. To draw a parallel, this reminds me alot of the PMRC hearings back in the late 80s. Remember those? Al and Tipper on one side, Zappa and Dee Snider on the other.

Once someone has decided you have done something offensive, regardless of how small it was, it turns into something blown way out of proportion. Salem witch trials were the first form of PMRC-type hearings. Didn't go as well for people back then.

My intent was to both entertain myself and others while also doing my job. Sounds like a true performer, don't it? But when you entertain, you will have critics and those who would rather make a scene than handle things calmly. Unfortunate.

The other factor is I don't want to be viewed as some folk hero who was being a rebel or whatever. It wasn't supposed to be a big deal so now that it is a big deal. You have some that wanna hang you up and others who wanna canonize you. I don't want either here.

How am I?

Let's take some inventory, not because anyone reading this gives 2 shits but I am bored so it's time to talk about me.

The diet. Lost 20 lbs and I am holding steady. It would be nice to lose another 5 lbs but if I stay this weight, that's not bad.

The job. I haven't heard anything on the potential ops manager job in Moline. I am heading out there on the 23rd for a visit. The intent was not to talk more about the job with anyone but I would think it will come up. It seemed like it was time to visit the main office and let them know I am still a real person and put a face on the satellite office...not a pretty face, but a face nonetheless.

The attitude. Sure I get pissed off alot. I think there was a time when I figured I needed to change that. Guess what? I really don't think it's gonna happen. If I can keep Mr Hyde in check, I'll be okay.

Sorry to see the Yankees go...hell no

The Yankees have joined me on the couch so the entire baseball season was a success. I watched the latest Doug Stanhope standup comedy special and he closed his show (in NYC) by saying "FUCK THE YANKEES" and explained why.

He called Yankee fans the most arrogant kind of fan. Asked why they couldn't be like real Americans and root for the underdog since the Yankees are supposed to win! He then had a fucking great analogy. Rooting for the Yankees is like going to a casino and rooting for the HOUSE to win.

Amen. Fuck the Yankees.

Why I am not a gambler...

How my picks went...
Carolina at New Orleans (-3) L
My team is 0-4. Fucking hell!!!

Jacksonville (-2.5) at Kansas City W
Jags make me look smart here. Easy.

Detroit (+3.5) at Washington L
And on the flipside, the Lions make me look retarded. Easier.

Atlanta at Tennessee (-8) L
Fuck! The spread got me!!!


Miami at Houston (-5.5) L
Double fuck!!! The spread AGAIN!!!

Seattle at Pittsburgh (-6) W
This should have been my lock of the week.

Cleveland at New England (-16.5) W
Oh wow the spread...1/2 point saves me.

Arizona (-3) at St. Louis T
Crap. A push here.

NY Jets at NY Giants (-3) W
I had a feeling the Giants would roll.

Tampa Bay (+10) at Indianapolis L
Bucs are shit. Cover the spread you fuckers!

San Diego at Denver (-1) L
What the fuck happened here???

Baltimore at San Francisco (+3.5) W
The spread liked me here. Weird.

Chicago at Green Bay (-3) L
I give up.

Dallas (-10) at Buffalo It won't matter. 5-7 going into this.

SAGA

NFL Picks

I figured why not. I have no idea what I am doing. But then, neither does Goldberg.

Carolina at New Orleans (-3)
Jacksonville (-2.5) at Kansas City
Detroit (+3.5) at Washington
Atlanta at Tennessee (-8)
Miami at Houston (-5.5)
Seattle at Pittsburgh (-6)
Cleveland at New England (-16.5)
Arizona (-3) at St. Louis
NY Jets at NY Giants (-3)
Tampa Bay (+10) at Indianapolis
San Diego at Denver (-1)
Baltimore at San Francisco (+3.5)
Chicago at Green Bay (-3)
Dallas (-10) at Buffalo

Excerpt from my upcoming novel "I Hate You, You Piece Of Shit"

I wasn't going to really RUN the kid over but he was walking down the middle of the road and I was trying to fucking turn. He was not giving a shit that I was there. Apparently he learned from his dad that pedestrians have the right of way. That's bullshit, son. I have news for you. My car is bigger than you. This is a new lesson. Size does matter. Remember rock paper scissors? Rock always wins. Rock smashes scissors. No no, don't tell me paper covers rock. Rock smashes through fucking paper. Would you like an example?

His father then followed him to the bus stop. I let him know his stupid kid was in the road and next time I wasn't going to bother to slow down when turning and odds were the kid would be my fucking hood ornament. He failed to see the kindness of my warning and had some words for me. I, in turn, had some for him. "You fucking asshole, you and your stupid fucking family and your stupid fucking parties. Next time you have a fucking pool party you might check that pool out. I tend to take a piss in it every night around 11:15. Shitbag."

[This was an excerpt from the novel "I Hate You, You Piece Of Shit". Please note that the characters are all fictional and no children were actually harmed.]

Movies

I am just not a big fan of movies. I have a few movies that if they are on, I'll watch them over and over: Spinal Tap, Best in Show, Caddyshack, both Fletch movies, The Hunt for Red October...I think that's it. The problem is I don't think sitting and watching one thing for 2 hours is a good use of time. Neither is this blog but I digress.

There are those movies that are supposed to be amazing...award winning...I always fucking hate those movies. It's always the same shit. Dramatic and really annoying or worse a musical. Those movies are like anal sex. Only women and gay men are gonna enjoy it.

Now I am not this macho shitbag. Far from it. I won't enjoy a movie about trucks or tractor pulling either. You know the movies where the lead character is as smart as a fucking fencepost, but he is supposed to be funny. Might as well cast a monkey or midget in the role. At least then it would BE funny.

So I guess I am a hard to please asshole. That was easy.

My life is a bad situation comedy

Yesterday upon getting to work I realized I had forgotten something, my laptop. Yes I actually walked out of the house and drove my wife to work and then got all the way to my work and opened the back door of the car...no laptop. Ah but the reason I forgot it? Cat shit. We have a couple of fosters in the garage and my wife had a fecal sample in the garage that we needed to remember. So as we were going to leave, I set the house alarm and then it hit me "Remember the cat shit!"...not "remember your fucking laptop"...no I distinctly heard in my head "REMEMBER THE CAT SHIT!" So I quickly ducked into the garage while the alarm was setting, grabbed the shit and was on my way. Hey I was great! I fucking remembered the shit, I never remember it and wow am I fucking proud.

Soooooo, once getting work and realizing it, I had to drive all the way home and get my laptop. But wait, there's more. Tuesdays at 9:30 I have a call with my supervisor, and I was on the road at that time so when I was at work, I had to tell someone to tell him that I was running home for my laptop. Once back at work WITH my laptop, I then had my conference call with my boss where I had to explain that I forgot my laptop because I had remembered to get the cat shit. I doubt someone could have written something like this for a situation comedy but that's what fucking happened. Luckily my boss is a nice guy who thought it was funny. Yeah ha ha.

Blackout Blues - Epilogue

This is what was on TV when I came to the other weekend, proves I was not as fucked up as I thought. This really did happen. And it's funny.

I think this proves how fucking great LeBron is at everything

Kudos to me for getting something right...

My baseball predictions were rather shitty for the most part. But I got a few things right.

"The Rockies are better than they have been in a long while. Todd Helton survived the odd season so that is a good thing for the team. Add in young talent like Garrett Atkins, Matt Holliday, Brad Hawpe, along with good pitching. I think they can surprise everyone and make the playoffs and MAYBE win the division."

So basically the one pick where I went out on a limb actually worked out. I said the Yanks and Tribe weren't going to make the playoffs and the White Sox and A's were. Yikes. But I was at least on the mark here. Always bet the long shot I guess.

And yes I think they can take the Phillies eventhough they are emotionally and physically drained.

Monday Morning QB

No no this is not about the NFL. That will lose half of you right there. I am talking about hindsight, reviewing actions of you or other people. We do it all the time. The problem is no matter how good the analysis is, we don't seem to act on it. I mean what's the point of going over what you think you might have done differently if the next time out you do the exact same thing?

I know that I analyze things more than most people do, well it feels that way. But then I just can't let the same thing happen again if I've figured out that I needed to make a modification to the original reaction. Fool me once shame on me, right?

Yet there are idiots out there who keep doing the same thing over and over thinking somehow via magic maybe, things will somehow change. Yes yes, if you keep banging your head against the wall at some point the wall will move. Fucktard.

But these are the idiots the rest of us love watching. Think about it. Every reality show has them. These are the morons we love seeing just repeat the same stupid redundant behaviour. Every cop chase show, every competition show. There they are. No clue at all and we love them.