Opeth - Porcelain Heart

Wine Review: Howling Wolves Shiraz 2004

First off I love Shiraz. So I love Australian wine but more specifically, I love WESTERN Australian wine. Most wine from Australia hails from NSW, New South Wales or the over populated Sydney/Melbourne area. The wine to look for from that country is from the more sparsely populated Western area where there is few people and few places to grow wine.

Ah but the Margaret River has a nice region and this wine is from there. Howling Wolves is a new one for me and this is up there with the other amazing Shiraz from that region, Mad Fish and Wishing Tree. It prices similar to Wishing Tree which is a few bucks cheaper than the more well known Mad Fish.

There is something to be said for the region. I learned about how to distinguish wines from different countries but you need to go further and learn the regions within the country. Everyone knows Yellow Tail. A good solid wine but pretty standard for the NSW region. Try a wine from Western Australia. They are MUCH harder to find but well worth it. Howling Wolves is one of them!

Sunday worship? Sure...a nun in latex

The Pledge of Allegiance by Red Skelton

As a child, the biggest influence on my sense of humor was Red Skelton. I'd run to the TV Sunday nights. This is just a kid of 5 or 6 if even running to watch this man. I didn't just laugh at him. I actually studied him. People seem to find me funny, well if you do, my sense of humor came from watching this man.

I found a clip of him explaining the Pledge of Allegiance and since we're coming up on the Fourth, I thought it was appropriate. I believe he hits it on the head. I am not super patriotic but I think we need to remember that we are one country and should act like it. Anyway, here is the legend himself Red Skelton:

I walk alone

So this is it. One left. I think back to all the times I've had in the Mansion. I started there back on 1/17/00. Then I would come back to it two more times. Now today, I am symbolically the last one. Very weird. I would not have expected any of this really. I was given a great opportunity. I think I made the most of it.

Dick

I got to thinking about bad names and a new one popped in my head. Dick Eaton. So I looked and of course it's a valid name.

http://www.linkedin.com/pub/0/3A/178

This guy is Dick Eaton. I found it amusing. And of course one of his friends must be Mike Hunt.

New Music in the Idiot Jukebox

For those that care or maybe are curious, I do swap out the songs in the player on this page regularly. Not sure why I do it. I know people are reading about snots and donkey clits. Oh well. I am trying here.

How the fuck was that ever any good?

Music has changed so much in the last 40-50 years. It's really amazing when you listen to things from one decade to the next and notice the changes just in that short span. But the weird thing for me is the 90s and current music really don't sound THAT much different. There haven't been the major style/genre breakthroughs or even changes in production. I guess that makes it easier to listen to music from the last 20 odd years.

Try listening to some shit from the 80s and you will find yourself asking "how the fuck was that EVER any good??" Syndrums, tinny production sound, and just shitty music. Then you backpetal to the 70s and it's more organic so you have a better shot at decent music. Fucking weird.

Carlin on editing his own obit

George Carlin dead at 71, RIP...and thank you

There will be many tributes to George Carlin but I feel I owe a lot to him. My own sense of timing and appreciation for timing is due to Carlin. I am sure most people assume my foul language is also due to Carlin but no, my old man is to thank for that.

George Carlin was so quick and had this incredible timing. Add in his own brand of honesty and telling as he saw it, wow...the man was amazing. I think we were all lucky to have heard his thoughts on everything! Here's one:

Wine Review: Twisted Zin 2006

I found this zinfandel and given it's cheap price tag and that it comes in a large bottle, I assumed it would be just toilet water or nasty shit. Not so. In fact, this is one of the better zins I've had in a while. I do love zins but they can be really tricky. They tend to be rather complicated so if you get the wrong zin, it will just fuck with you.

Twisted Zin is a very drinkable wine that is smooth for a zin. I would put it on the level of Cardinal Zin by Bonnie Doon. Yeah it's that good. Price wise, it's on par with the Yellow Tail series. I think you could easily drink it with any food, red meat and such. BUY IT!

Blog about not blogging?

I've sat here staring at this empty screen for a good hour now. I waited for inspiration. I waited for anger. I waited for motivation. I could keep waiting. Odds are none of them will fucking show up. So now a blog about not being able to blog? I figured if I just start typing, maybe something clever or interesting will come. Maybe not.

I've blogged every day since 2001. I started the whole thing as a place to track myself. Things evolved or maybe devolved from there. Now I get hits from all over the globe. Most just read a review or like the bloody snot post. I guess I feel compelled to be interesting because of all of that. I am not. But I try.

Easy traffic generator: nice boobs, nice tits

Yet another attempt to generate traffic to my site, proving I am a bigger attention whore than the chick in the photo.

Grand Theft Auto for the NES

Give Peas A Chance

I don't get it. When I was a kid, I hated peas. Fucking hated them like they were broccoli (which is okay as it turned out). Then one day I liked peas. Weirdest shit ever. I was still just a kid. But they were okay so I ate alot of peas. Then I just couldn't eat another fucking pea. It was strange. To this day, no more peas please. I don't really know if I like them or not either.

I learned about black and white today. No I didn't fuck a black chick. And no, I am not gonna quote "Ebony & Ivory". I learned more about the fact that I see the world in those terms...black and white...no middle ground. Even I don't have a middle ground. All those who waste their time reading this blog and know me (or think they do) know what I am saying. So good, I know that. Time to find out what the fuck to do with it.

I changed my default ring tone to "Whamola" by Les Claypool. I did my own edit so it starts with that fucked up bass sound. Very cool. I still haven't given my new cell number to my mother. I'd say that makes me a bad son but there are far more things ahead of that on the list.

I love Zinfandel. Complex yet tasty. I had a zin last week that was amazing, Coppola's zin. If you haven't had it and you are a zin fan, you need to do yourself a favor and get a bottle.

Meatballs from Scarnato's rule. Don't they?

To clarify...

I saw my old friends MJ and DC yesterday eating lunch. I need to clarify something that's been bugging me. I saw MJ and waved and I didn't go inside to see him until I saw DC. Now to MJ it seemed he wasn't worth the "hello" and DC was. Not true. My thought process was: I had no clue who MJ was with UNTIL I saw DC. So if it was someone I didn't know or worse didn't like, it would have been awkward. So once I saw DC, I figured "well ok then, I'll stop." So that's what's up. I know MJ didn't care but I do, and that's what happened. Let him know will you!

My kinda girl

Why dancing is fucking stupid...

Why doesn't your shit ALL go down the toilet?

Floaters. I'll credit my wife for the idea on this one. No it's not because she left a turd behind but someone at her work did it to her. It's one thing to be home and have someone leave a turd in the toilet. You can deal with that. You yell at them to "flush next time" and then just flush yourself. But what about in public, especially work?

I've already talked about anthills and floaters rank up there. It reminds you that you are sharing this toilet with other people. Otherwise you can have a little fantasy that the thing is your own special place. Not when you have some evidence floating there to remind you. At that point, why not just shit on the seat? Just wreck my fucking party.

Of course when you see the floater, you analyze it. You see if you know what they had for dinner the night before. You think "I could shit one alot fatter and longer than that." You also realize why it's smelled in the office so badly. It's like a cat that doesn't cover it's own shit. Why flush at all really? I mean I stand and WATCH it all go down. Why? I don't want some fucking asshole looking at my shit later on grading it. Some asshole like me.

Welcome to the neighborhood

I have two new neighbors. I know you're thinking I must have walked over with an apple pie and said "Hi! Welcome!" Oddly enough, I didn't. In fact, I could give a fuck if I see either of these motherfuckers. What do I want from my new neighbors? QUIET!

Don't make any fucking noise, don't have annoying fucking parties like the assholes down the street who invite all their obnoxious fucking friends over. You know them. They're either mini-van driving, soccer cunts and pickup driving dickfuckers.

I don't do well with annoying neighbors. One more of those fucked up parties and I will take a shit on the hood of one of those fucking pickups. Imagine the cunt wife comes out of the house and I am standing on the hood of hubby's pickup, squeezing off a loaf: "One second, this one is a bit....long."

I am sure the new people will survive. Although the assclown next door apparently mows his lawn every leap year. This joker hasn't mowed since he moved in and he is raising fucking WHEAT now. Unless he presents me with his latest brew, this guy needs a foot up his ass. DO YOU THINK I LIKE MOWING, ASSHOLE? No. My property value is in the fucking toilet because he can't find his way to sit his ass on his mower. Add in, party fucking central and I am losing money by the second.

Snot rockets

My late father was a master of the snot rocket. When I was a kid, I used to think it was the most disgusting thing ever. He'd be outside working on something and close a nostril and BAM! Shoot a snot out the other one. I thought, no way would I ever do that!

Well, I love snot rockets. The shower is a good spot to fire one off and see if it sticks to the side of the the stall. If it sticks, it stays. Law of the jungle. Of course firing one off outside is fun too.

The thing about snot rockets is that you actually feel clearer than just blowing your nose. I think so anyway. Not sure why other than there's more force behind a good snot rocket. You wanna make sure you really feel that motherfucker coming out.

Ever fire off one and not know where it went? Then you find it later stuck to your shirt. There's a bonus huh? Oops! Good thing you checked.

Tits and Guns

Ice Cream Slogans

Our ice cream is better than slamming your hand in a door.

If you like your ice cream cold, we can do that too.

When it comes to flavor, our ice cream is second to sawdust.

Taste, texture, and a brain freeze that you'll think is a coma.

Creamy cold goodness. Not your wife's toes, but our ice cream!

We don't have a lot of flavors, in fact we don't even have flavor, but we're cold.

How would you like to mow my lawn?

After sweating my ass off mowing my lawn, I got to thinking about the good old days of lawn mowers. Lawn mowers suck now. Why? You have to be touching the fucking mower for it to be running. WTF?

Remember the days when you could start the mower and walk away and get a drink or move a fucking branch out of the way? Push mowers have a fucking lever that if you aren't touching it, the mower stops. Riding mowers have the same horseshit that if you get off the seat, they stop.

How the fuck did this happen? How many brain dead hogfuckers cut their toes off until the asstards at Snapper decided they needed a "safety feature". Look, if you are that completely fucked in the head that you get too close to the blade of a fucking mower that you injure yourself OR you somehow manage to actually RUN YOURSELF OVER with a lawnmower, well you are a few braincells short of being a shit-chucking ape and probably deserve to lose those toes or fingers.

Memo to Snapper and all other lawn mower manufacturers: we're all not dicksmokers, so give us back the lawn mowers our dads used to chase us with as kids.

Album Review: Opeth - Watershed (Special Edition)

I've been into Opeth for a relatively short period of time. I don't listen to alot of death metal, but Opeth is different. "Damnation" was a progressive rock album so that's where I started. And I bought others after that.

Opeth was always a death metal band with progressive rock leanings. With the new album "Watershed", they are a progressive metal band with some death metal leanings. There are death growls but they are well placed and you can understand them quite well which is unusual, I think. Mikael Åkerfeldt's clean vocals outweigh the death vocals for the first time.

Musically, "Watershed" is amazing. The opener "Coil" is a mellow acoustic piece with female vocals. The album doesn't hit you in the face but instead welcomes you in. But the second track "Heir Apparent" does hit you in the face. The track is probably the heaviest on the album, yet has alot of changes.

"The Lotus Eater" is VERY cool and yet a strange track. The keyboard solo on this one is worth the price of the album. This is fucking crazy shit. "Burden" follows it and is in the vein of the "Damnation" album but is more of a true ballad. A really great track.

The first video from the album was for the track "Porcelain Heart" which is a bit more commercial sounding...well for Opeth anyway. There's a great balance on this one. I think it highlights what the band does well. Then the epic "Hessian Peel" is next and this thing goes pretty much everywhere. Blues, folk...and an insane death metal mid-section.

"Hex Omega" is the closer. You'd expect to get punched at the end but it's more melody and still powerful. Another amazing track and a great way to close the album out.

Ah but this is the special edition which has 3 bonus tracks! "Derelict Herds" is the long original track and I don't know why it's a bonus track. It belongs on the album. Another great song with a great balance of death and clean vocals. The bonus track I love is the cover of Robin Trower's "Bridge Of Sighs". This is amazing! They NAIL this one. It shows what Opeth is capable of. The last track is "Den Standiga Resan" which is a cover of a Marie Fredriksson song which is sung in Swedish. A very pretty piece of music. Marie Fredriksson was the singer for Roxette, by the way!

So basically, this album is my favorite Opeth record and I think it shows they are on a new path. I like the direction obviously! This album will be a top 5 album for the year for me. Buy it!

Narcissism

Isn't it fun trying to talk to a total narcissist? You know who they are. No matter what you say, they turn the conversation around to be about them. Now, everyone is a little bit narcissistic and we all try to identify with what someone else is saying. The difference is a narcissist will go to some amazing lengths to make shit ALL about them.

There's this one person who no matter what you say it's always ALL about them. Every single fucking thing. You can mention the weather and this fuckstick will not even make with an easy transition. "Yeah well did you see what I just did?" Huh? WTF? Did I even talk?

After a while, you don't even try starting a conversation because there's really no point. If they're gonna turn everything you say in to a chapter from their autobiography, what is the fucking POINT??? "Yeah I thought of that, but..."

They always have already either DONE what you did or THOUGHT of it first or wouldn't waste their time on it. And you can say ANYTHING, I mean ANYTHING and they have a fucking self centered shit for brains response.

The reason these doorknobs are so narcissistic is that no one else gives 2 shits what they have done or will do. If no one cares shit about you, then you have to pump your ego up somehow, so you stick your head so far up your ass that you can't hear anything other than your own shit.

So you just have to say...

You fucking asshole, shut your fucking piehole for 2 seconds and LISTEN. You remember what listening is? You need to stop thinking about yourself for a second and not fucking talk...I mean NOT talk, shithead.

Cereal Mascot Therapy Session

How's the reception up your ass?

People who constantly walk around on their fucking cellphone really annoy the shit out of me. Ok maybe I am more pissy than usual but this one woman I saw yesterday really bugged me. Walking around yapping on her fucking cell, not paying any fucking attention to where she was walking. Apparently the world is hers. I was thinking...I wonder how good her reception is. I wanted to jam the phone up her ass and find out.

Then you have this blue tooth fuckers. Just what we all need. Some arrogant shithead walking around, talking loudly and we think they are talking to us because we can't see a fucking phone.

Ever say "what" to one of these assholes because you thought they were talking to you?? They give you this pissed off look and point at the little piece of shit sticking from their head. Oh my bad! Like I should fucking look in your ear first!?! Asshole.

Superhero Fashion Emergency

Thanks to my good friend Meathead for this one:

The best and worst music of 2008, so far

Ok so we are barely through 2008 and I think it's time to mention my take on the best and worst of 2008. Odds are you don't know any of this shit, but too bad. You might find something worth either looking into or avoiding.

First off here are the initial disappointments of 2008:

Tiles - "Fly Paper": Their last album showed signs of cracking. The key with Tiles was that they sounded like Rush and wrote catchy songs. The problem is they are trying NOT to sound like Rush but they assume losing the hooks would do that. Instead they sound like a tonedeaf version of Rush, especially on the new album. By far the worst of 2008 for me.

Weezer - "Weezer (The Red Album)": This isn't awful but I am initially disappointed. When they title an album "Weezer", I expect to get some serious power pop. That's not the case, so I still don't know on this one. More time needed I guess. Get a copy of Rooney's "Calling The World" and you'll hear what Weezer SHOULD be doing.

Def Leppard - "Songs From The Sparkle Lounge": A handful of adequate songs and the rest is fucking boring. I think "Euphoria" will be their last really good album. I think they need Mutt Lange more than ever.

Asia - "Phoenix": I really really wanted a classic. I mean come on. A reunion and we get this? The problems are easy. The songs aren't poppy enough or not prog enough. They couldn't decide. The other problem is I can't hear Carl Palmer! The drums are uninspired and buried in the mix. That gives this album NO TEETH AT ALL. Unfortunate.

And now the highlights for me, these are the essentials:

King's X - "XV": I've reviewed this one so go buy it already.

Filter - "Anthems for the Damned": Again, reviewed. Buy it!

Opeth - "Watershed": I plan on reviewing this in more detail but suffice to say, this is their best. They sound like a prog band with death metal leanings rather than a death metal band with prog leanings.

Thrice - "The Alchemy Index: Vols. III & IV: Air & Earth": This still blows me away.

RPWL - "The RPWL Experience": I was very please with this one. Their last album was solid but I felt it was still kinda inconsistent. They sound a bit less Floyd-like but I think that works out well.

Anyway, there are more great releases that might make my year end list but I thought I'd give everyone some ideas if you are looking for something to listen to.

Don't drink the Kool-Aid

How to be clever or stick a fork in your ass

The battle of wits. This weekend I actually met a 7 year old who was smarter than pretty much everyone I've met. I was amazed at just how witty she is. And she doesn't have to try and BE witty, she just IS.

What pisses me off are this people who think they are witty but are anything but. It's bad enough to have someone who actually IS witty or funny and they know it, but then you have this fucksticks who THINK they are clever or funny or witty and they are just obnoxious.

Look, don't step up to the plate with a plastic flyswatter and think you can hit the ball out of the park. It doesn't work that way. I guess the part I can't figure is how can you think you are witty and just NOT BE. At some point, you listen to yourself. Don't you??

I am constantly going back and re-reading shit I say or if I am going to attempt to be clever, I usually have a rough outline of things to say. Yeah a plan to be witty if you will. Go in with a few rough ideas.

And the worst kind of fuckhead is the ones that laugh at what they say like they need the fucking reinforcement. If you are the loudest one laughing at the shit tumbling from your lips, I have a fucking newsflash...IT WASN'T THAT FUNNY.

I don't claim to be funny. I hope I am sometimes and there are times when I THINK I am funny. But that doesn't mean I am. I always wait and see. You just don't know.

Anyway, I am not feeling all that terribly funny which explains the lack of quality.

Free midget porn

PSYCHE!!!

Life is like a dick...

the more you work at it, the harder it gets...

Attention Loyal Readers

Unfortunately due to some very personal attacks on me, I've had to disable commenting. These were attacks directed toward me and I take them very seriously. I realize I didn't get alot of comments but rather than shut down the Idiot Chronicles, I will for now just disable commenting. I hope you all will bear with me during this difficult time.

Doug Stanhope on religion

The Big 8-0

My mother is 80 today. Yeah consider that number. I mean it's really amazing when you think of it. I think I've held her to standards of a 50 year old and I don't think that's really fair. For someone her age (yes I said it), she does extremely well. So my grandnephew was born 2 days before his great grandmother's 80th birthday.

It's been a different kinda weekend. Add in this awful fucking heat. I mean I took my walk in the afternoon which was fucking stupid. WHY? I was sweating my balls off. The motto was if it's a nice enough day, get some fucking exercise. Seemed like a good idea at the time. What happened to spring? This global warming shit is amazing.

Ok that was not interesting. But I'll try again later.

Marianne Williamson can suck my dick

Marianne Williamson says:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Pamela forwarded that quote to me. I think she knew that the "real" me would have issues with this quote. Honestly the entire thing is garbage. It's the standard Oprah Winfrey horseshit that gets forced down our fucking throats.

First off, leave your secular bullshit out of this. You can believe in God but don't presume that everyone else does. Why the fuck do you think the Muslims fucking hate us? I blame Oprah.

Next, this bitch has the whole light/dark shit backwards. I have some bad fucking news. My dark side scares the living SHIT out of me and if you've seen even a small fraction of my dark side, then you have a clue what I am saying. Now that's not to say I don't appreciate my dark side "The Darkness". I do. Fuck, I embrace it!

The bulk of this quote reads like a back-assward fortune cookie that was translated by some retarded Chinese kid. You know the type. He looks kinda normal but then you look at him and think "Well he seems a little fucked in the head, I wonder if he is a fucking retard." Then you talk to him and he starts talking about bananas and dixie cups. Then you realize he was behind the door when brains were getting handed out and probably got hit with the door a few times.

So yeah, this is the kinda shit that gives enlightenment a bad fucking name.

Luke

Today is a great day for the family. Last night, my nephew (greatnephew) Luke was born. I am hoping Chris remembers to use the Darth Vader voice and say "Luke, you are my son." Yeah that's fucking cheesy but it's kinda funny too.

It's really quite amazing to think my nephew who I watched grow up has a kid of his own. I'd like to say it just makes me feel old but really it doesn't. The prevailing thought is how happy I am for him. Chris is an amazing person and that goes beyond being family. Ever have a family member who if they weren't related to you, you'd feel honoured to know them or call them a friend? That's him. In fairness, it's his brother Jeff too.

So welcome to the family, Luke. Hope you have a helmet, kid. You'll need it.

Things someone else has learned (Part 3)

joy isn't as scary as i thought...

The problem is joy isn't scary. When the fuck was joy scary? Joy was MISSING. There's a big fucking difference. When I say it was missing, that means I actually know where it is, but it's not an easy fix anymore. Joy is something I'd mentioned before. You know it exists and you can have it, you just can't get to it. So scary is one thing it isn't. That was bullshit.

Things someone else has learned (Part 2)

sharing pain and fear and joy is an amazing experience...

This is another nugget of knowledge. I am curious first who we're sharing with. I can agree that sharing joy is amazing. Last I checked sharing pain and fear sucks. I mean, it's bad enough that I have the fucking pain I do, but sharing it is not exactly nice.

The problem is this statement is too specific. It should just say "being open and honest is an amazing experience." Amazing? Well it's at least interesting. Being hung up on shit like pain and fear isn't needed.

The other piece I don't quite get is why we're singling those items out. Pain, fear, joy. We're stuck on them. Dealing with pain and fear isn't easy. And much as you'd like to think relying on others to assist with those is a good thing, the truth is it's not that simple. And life is not simple. Write that shit down.

Things someone else has learned (Part 1)

This new "series" will either be a great idea or suck beyond belief. I was sent a list someone created with the "things they've learned over the past year." I found them interesting. That's not to say I agree with them which allows for some commenting on my part. Hopefully this is interesting, I have my concerns with that.

"pain fear anger will not kill me and always always pass"

There's an interesting comment. Unfortunately it is complete bullshit. The problem with it is the word always...both of them. I mean yeah if you gotta say a word twice, you are trying to convince yourself of something and therefore, you don't fucking believe it. Why don't you believe it? Because it's NOT TRUE.

Pain is the one that's a keeper here. Pain can stay like that crazy uncle who always hung around at a party you through. No one was left but he just kept drinking. I am talking TRUE pain. Life altering pain. We wear it like a badge.

I think fear can also stick around too. Granted, it depends on the fear but you can get counseling for fear. You can technically get counseling for anything. But with some quality counseling you can be cured!

Anger is one that tends to pass. Though, results may vary. I am not really sold on people that say they don't hold a grudge. Again if you have to SAY you don't, odds are that you in fact DO hold a grudge.

I really found the use of the word "always" TWICE to be the downfall here. It should not have been used at all. A truly confident person would have said "Pain Fear Anger will not kill me and will pass." Well at least go with the first half of the statement. I mean if you think those 3 things can kill you, life has more surprises for you, my friend.

What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. That's a better statement. So I'd replace the one used with that one.

Dealing with Aging

I think the title will probably get picked up by Google and then some asshole from Qatar will read this blog and think "What the fuck is wrong with this guy? This isn't about aging!"

My mother turns 80 on Sunday and my brother is having a "party" at his place on Sunday. Add on that my nephew is having a son born...well that's the fucking rumour, the little fucker is 2 weeks overdue so maybe his wife is smuggling a watermelon. Anyway, you add those up and you know what? My mother is fucking old, my nephew isn't that little kid anymore and I am bald. I had a shitload of hair too....years ago, mind you. Time flies when you are getting fucked.

GOOD MORNING!!! I hope you all slept well. I did. All night actually!

Get Well, Jon...please!

NEW YORK, NY, JUNE 4, 2008 -– Legendary rock band YES announced today that the group will unfortunately be canceling their 2008 40th Anniversary Tour. The 26-city tour was scheduled to kick off in Quebec next month and run through the summer.

Said Jon Anderson, "In the wake of my recent respiratory attack, doctors have advised me to spend the coming months resting and recovering. Unfortunately, this means I won't be able to tour with Yes this summer as originally planned. I'd like everyone know how deeply disappointed I am by this turn of events. I was looking forward to celebrating our music with the amazing family of Yes fans once again; but as we all know, health must come before anything else. Wishing you all the very best..."

Said Chris Squire, "We were all looking forward to performing for our fans after a prolonged leave of absence from touring. I am especially regretful of the fact that I know many of our fans and friends have probably laid out non-refundable airfares and hotels, etc. in order to enjoy the Yes shows this summer. Please join me in wishing Jon a speedy return to health, which at this point in time is our main concern."

Yes frontman and founding member Jon Anderson was admitted to the hospital last month after suffering a severe asthma attack. He has now been diagnosed with acute respiratory failure and was told by doctors this weekend that he needs to rest and not work for a period of at least six months or suffer further health complications. Upon receiving this news the band has determined that their tour plans need to be put on hold.

Ticket refunds will be available at the point of purchase.

The Dudesons - Mr. Hitler

The Look of a Mass Murderer

I've met people who, when I think of it or picture it, really look like they could have their photo on television with the caption that they had killed alot of people. Ever meet someone who just has "that look" about them? You might not realize it until you think about it.

Take someone you know, preferably someone who looks maybe SLIGHTLY haggered. Now imagine you are watching the news and put their face on the screen. In my opinion, if you can imagine someone can kill alot of people, it just makes sense not to tempt fate.

Hot Porn Pussy Sexy Sex Tits Fuck Donkey Clit Piss Balls Dick Cock Motherfucker Ass Lick CBT BDSM Nutsack

This is just to generate traffic in theory. Let's see how it goes. Pick out which ones are for GDM.

Album Review: King's X - XV

King's X is a rare band. They've had the same lineup since day one. They've also made some of the best music...ever! The problem has been consistency of late. When King's X started they had a run of 5 classic albums: Out Of The Silent Planet, Gretchen Goes To Nebraska, Faith Hope Love, their self titled album and then Dogman.

Then they tried to dial it in and be "popular". Ear Candy was a good album but had some signs of wear and tear. Then Tape Head came along and was heavier but not as interesting. They followed with 2 clunkers: Mr Bulbous and Manic Moonlight. So then they redid some ancient songs of theirs on Black Like Sunday which was good for what it was.

Orge Tunes was the first album with an outside producer since Dogman and oddly enough it was the best since Dogman as well. King's X had finally got their feet back under them! So why not continue the trend! They did. Keeping Michael Wagener as producer for the latest release XV. A wise choice. They've upped their game another notch from Orge Tunes, making another classic King's X record.

XV was going to be called Go Tell Somebody which when you listen to the lyrics for that song, you know why. "If you like what you hear, then go tell somebody." A good idea, so I think I will right now!

The album has some very hooky tunes which is what Ear Candy tried to do but these are a bit more complex and dense which is what King's X was always known for. "Pray" has a funk to it but still rocks really hard. "Alright" sounds like Grand Funk on steroids. "Blue" has an eerie but catchy lead. "Move" has another interesting arrangement but the song is catchy.

Another selling point for me was that all 3 members take a lead vocal. Doug (Dug) Pinnick still gets the bulk of the lead vocals but Ty Tabor sings 3 tracks and even drummer Jerry Gaskill takes lead on "Julie". If you are keeping track, this is Jerry's third lead vocal overall with the band and first since "American Cheese" off of Ear Candy.

It's been a long time since I could say a King's X album was solid all the way through. Orge Tones was close. I guess Dogman is the last one, so XV joins those first 5 albums as a classic. Gretchen Goes To Nebraska is still their finest hour, but this album holds its own with anything the band has done. BUY IT!

Breaking News!!!

Our on the street Idiot Chronicles reporter Chris Michael reports:

Gas stations will start showing PORN movies on the screens of the pumps so that you can see someone else get screwed at the same time you do.

When flatulence smells like burning metal or farting gone wrong...

What the fuck is that smell?? Ever fart so bad (bad as in quality) that you make yourself sick? And it smells like burning metal? How is that smell humanly possible? Or am I about to die and that's the smell of pre-death? Wow. oh my fucking god.

Genesis 1976-1982 Boxset Review

Based on the strange success of my review of the Genesis 1983-1998 box set, I figured I should review the other box set since I love that one!! First off, I have to say each album in the Genesis 1976-1982 box set is a favorite of mine. Abacab was the only album that really grew on me after getting the box set.

A Trick Of The Tail might be my favorite Genesis album. So the Nick Davis remix was going to scare me. I figured he'd mess it up and such. What he was able to do with A Trick Of The Tail is amazing. The problem with many of the older releases was the dynamics were too extreme. You couldn't HEAR the quiet parts so you cranked them and would get blown out by the louder moments. The levels are fixed and you can hear things you didn't know existed before. "Ripples..." is a great example. One of my favorite tracks and Nick Davis made it sound even better! The whole album benefits from the new mix, every track.

The same can be said really for all the albums in this box. "Wind And Wuthering" was always a "good" album for me but the remix actually makes it a GREAT album. "One For The Vine" sounds better than I remember. And the closing trilogy ("Unquiet Slumbers For The Sleepers...", "...In That Quiet Earth" and "Afterglow") sound mindblowing.

The album I think alot of fans dismiss is …And Then There Were Three… which I never really understood. I can tell you the original mix was iffy so this one really sounds better thanks to Nick Davis. "Undertow", "Snowbound", and "Many Too Many" all have TEETH now. There is an actual POWER to this album that was missing before.

Both Duke and Abacab have a better sonic quality and you can hear the nuances in each, that was the main difference I noticed. I've read reviews where some folks don't hear any difference on Abacab but I am telling you, "Me And Sarah Jane" sounds almost completely different to me and "Dodo/Lurker" is even stronger after the remix. Duke has the same thing going on, you can hear the little pieces...maybe a riff or a keybaord you couldn't hear before. Both sound amazing.

And of course the BONUS MATERIAL!!! The CD with all the b-sides really sounds like a great album on its own. And yes it also benefits from the remix. "Naminanu" in particular is CRAZY. Listen to that one loud and you hear all kinds of things that weren't there before. "Pigeons" sounds better than it did before. Older tracks like "Inside And Out" and "It's Yourself" also benefit from the new mix.

On the DVDs, you get the interviews which I enjoyed. It's always cool to know what a band thinks of their material years later. The footage is amazing too. All the music videos, a piece of a concert from 1976, the Mike Douglas Show from 1977, Japanese television from 1977, a show from 1978, Live At The Lyceum 1980, and alot more. All worth it of course. This is probably the best boxset I own!

Album Review: Filter - Anthems for the Damned

I've been into Filter since the whole "Hey Man Nice Shot" era of the first album, Short Bus. I love Richard Patrick's voice for one and that the guy can write a solid hook when he tries. It just always seemed he was getting better at it as time went on.

Short Bus was a decent album, Title of Record was better. The Amalgamut was his best up til now and really showed promise. Then he goes and forms the "supergroup" Army of Anyone with the STP brothers, the DiLeos. That album was a mismosh with some ideas that were clearly Filter-esque.

And now we have Anthems of the Damned, which is far and away his best, most focused, hook laden album to date. It's rare to start an album and have song after song just hit you. I kept saying "oh wow that's cool", each time the next track would hit.

The first single is the first track "Soldiers of Misfortune". Great choice. I'd have a hard time choosing the next single as really just any of the songs are worthy. It's THAT good. "The Wake", "Cold", "Lie After Lie", and "Kill The Day" are all amazing songs. I hate not mentioning the rest.

So if you ever liked Filter, get the album. If you like good hook laden heavy rock, get the album. If you have any taste in music, GET THIS ALBUM!

The bloody snot craze

The most view piece on my blog is the bit I did on bloody snot. And here might be why:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=bloody+snot&btnG=Search

Note the second item is mine. So I guess I needed to be more disgusting. That should be easy.

I'm Global

I put some tracking code on this blog just to see who is reading this bullshit and where they are from. Japan, Australia, Brazil, United Kingdom and Slovakia have read the Idiot Chronicles. Yeah...no shit!

The funnier thing is that the piece most were reading was the one I did on the bloody snot I yanked from my nose back in March. I don't quite get why a snot covered in blood is a big deal in Brazil but hey THAT'S FUCKING COOL!

Another hit was a review I did in November on the last Genesis box set. So expect 2 things, more shit on boogers and more music reviews. It's really really weird to think the crap I come up with is being read by anyone at all, let alone some poor slob on the other side of the planet. Hello Slovakia!!!

And let's not forget that my girl Hayley Marie Norman drives traffic too. So more bizarre references to her are on the way. Along with the gratuitous photo: