Rocky Velvet Rockabilly Ball 2008 Seattle

The old ballparks are few

With the Yankees and Mets moving to new parks, there are basically 2 old-time ballparks left, Fenway Park and Wrigley Field. One would think that someday those parks will just get replaced with something new and shiny. That's what sells tickets, right?

I guess tradition is basically bullshit. What's a shame is to think of all those classic stadiums that went bye bye to a wrecking ball. All the amazing history that basically went with them. The Polo Grounds was just an absolutely unique place, with its bathtub shape and odd dimensions. Ebbets Field was a true classic stadium. Griffith Stadium in DC had a weird angle due to some apartments whose owners would not move!

There's Crosley Field where the Reds used to play. There is the great Shibe Park where the old Philadelphia A's played for so many years it was renamed Connie Mack Stadium and the Phillies played there as well.

But all these pieces of American history are gone. To me they are like the castles of Europe. Those still stand eventhough they are not used for anything. But real estate is much too important in this country, which is obvious from the financial mess we're in. We couldn't let any real estate be used to preserve some of our history.

While the Yankees have thumbed their noses at history and will allow Yankee stadium to leave this world, I do hope the Red Sox and Cubs are willing to allow their old parks to live on as a connection to another time.

Monty Python - Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook

Jeopardy 1999

In a moment

The word "moment" is interesting. How long is a moment? No one knows because it's designed to be ambiguous. Weird. When someone says "I'll be with you in a moment", why don't they say "I'll be with you in a minute"? I suppose we can measure that minute and if it's over a minute we know they are just putting us off. But the moment, who knows how long that will be.

Moment is also designed to signify something special. "The moment is here." "This is a magical moment." So if the word "moment" also means a brief period of time, then that special moment is fleeting and isn't going to last very long although we really have no idea how long because it's a moment.

So the English language has a word with a few meanings but it's all so ambiguous. I guess saying "the magical 5 minutes is here" doesn't sound very good. But those magical "moments" aren't short. I mean a wedding day is a special moment. That's a whole day. So if we say a day can be a moment and some asshole says to you "I'll be with you in a moment", that's when you say "Hey fucker, I don't have ALL DAY!" I guess that's how it works then.

McCain in trouble, new candidate emerges

Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate May Steal Support From McCain

King's X - "Goldilox"

Politics is like pro wrestling

How is politics like pro wrestling? Many ways. Both are fixed. Both are staged. Think about it. Your vote probably doesn't matter since the lobbyists control it all. And fixed? Politicians act on camera like they hate each other and then privately they are best friends. It's just a fucking floorshow. They threaten and threaten on camera but never really do anything. An example, I am pro choice and last I checked there were votes to over turn Rote v Wade.

Never happens though. They threaten it. But it doesn't happen. NOTHING happens. Outside of the neo-nazi reactionary bills that Dubya passed, what happened in the last 8 years while the economy slid into the toilet? Nothing. What happened to help those poor soldiers who are not dying for our freedom in Iraq? Nothing. They ACT like they are making changes but they won't. Change might be good but change is alot of fucking work. And who wants to actually work in congress?

Now if Macho Man Randy Savage was president...same thing...

The old saying...

If you don't have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. The problem there is that the world would be really silent. My blog would be empty as well. The sentiment seems nice. "Be kind to each other" would be a better approach. The problem is you can't always say something nice or always be kind.

The reason is simple. There are ALOT of complete fucking doorknobs in this world. For example, anyone that thinks Sarah Palin is qualified to be a mayor or governor or VICE PRESIDENT, that person is a total fucking doorknob. Period. You can't sugarcoat that. That person should not be allowed to leave the fucking house because they are a clear and present danger.

It boggles the mind really. There is no logic at all. I guess the doorknobs of the world would just rather shit on the normal folks. They must find it funny. So no, I am not going to hold my tongue for the sake of being nice. Then there is that whole "good Christian" horseshit. The irony about that is those supposed "good Christians" not only don't follow the scriptures or the peaceful teachings of Jesus Christ, they go out of their way to be flat out fucksticks and cite the Bible as their proof. How backasswards is that?? "Good Christians" are neither. Those douchenozzles just want more power and to scare the normal folks into letting them control shit.

Let's look at the "good Christians". Who is on the team? Rednecks, racists, insane NRA fucks (no not the responsible gun owners), big business fat cats, right wing bible thumpers who fuck alterboys on the side and pious conservative cunts who think they can tell other women what to do with their bodies. Nice team. It's good that all these shitbags are in one place.

WHY CAN'T WE SHUT THESE ASSHOLES UP ALREADY???? It's unbelievable that we are not smarter than the doorknobs. Do they actually outnumber us? I think we're about to find out...again.

MXC Monday: Rotating Surfboard of Death-Organ Donors vs. Recovering Addicts

The Rays go from worst to first

I love the underdog...obviously since I am an A's fan. But this is the ultimate underdog tale. The Tampa Bay Rays are in the playoffs for the first time in their 11 year history. They changed their name from Devil Rays to just Rays before the season which must have been like an exorcism because they lost 96 games last year. It looks like they will WIN 96 this year.

I am happy for them. Why? First off, they are in arguably the toughest division with the overspending Yankees and Red Sox. Those 2 teams figure they own that division since the Orioles and Blue Jays are both incompetent and pose no real threat. Then there's the poor Rays. Yeah they could never stop the mighty Yankees or the smart ass Red Sox. Well hold that thought.

The Yankees are gonna be sitting HOME, yeah that's right HOME. God that's fucking great! And while the Red Sox are mostly in, they probably get the Angels in the first round and will be home after that. Parity. Maybe. I don't fucking care really. I like the young talent the Rays stockpiled. And dammit Rocco Baldelli is still one of my favorite players.

GO RAYS! Fuck the Yankees, fuck their fans. And fuck the Red Sox while we're at it.

Doug Stanhope - This Generation Sucks

Cobjob Destruction & Beer, a division of Cobjob Carpentry LLC. Inc

Here at Cobjob D&B, we believe it is important to destroy things and then drink. That's why our name is Cobjob Destruction & Beer, Inc. We did try it for a while as Cobjob Beer & Destruction, Inc but we realized after a few trips to the ER, it was better to drink AFTER the use of a chainsaw and not BEFORE. It's all fun and games until Richard Fitzwell loses his arm because Bip thought it was a barstool leg.

So if you need things disposed of and then have some beer drank, we can do the job better than anyone. So call us at 1-800-GOT-DICK. Thanks from everyone at C D&B!

Dick Flagg
Sr. Trashchucker, Beermaster

Five albums from 2008 you must own

If you don't have these albums, you are missing out.

1. Metallica - "Death Magnetic": There was and still is a TON of hype surrounding this release. Believe the hype. This album actually lives up to the hype and surpasses all expectations. Not a wasted note on the whole thing.

2. Opeth - "Watershed": The aptly named album is a defining moment for these guys. Many different colors and movements make this album a wild ride. No filler at all. Also the deluxe edition is worth it if only for their spot on cover of Robin Trower's "Bridge Of Sighs".

3. King's X - "XV": Who said they were done? Up until the last album "Orge Tones", I was starting to think they had effectively run out of ideas. Well "Orge Tones" served as a roadmap back to where they are now. "XV" is stunning and ranks with all of their classic albums.

4. Black Stone Cherry - "Folklore and Superstition": They are back and better than ever. It's amazing that BSC could outdo themselves, but they did. This one is even better than their solid debut. It flat out kicks ass.

5. Presto Ballet - "The Lost Art of Time Travel": Of course I have to have a prog album in my top 5 must haves for the year. This one is a true classic. It combines the glory days of 70s era progressive rock with some of today's modern prog. Presto Ballet do it effortlessly. Again, not a weak track on this one. Amazing!

Photobucket Phriday

Yes fucks over Jon Anderson and replaces him with a cover band singer

In the spirit of Journey and apparently desperate for attention, Steve Howe, Chris Squire and Alan White have decided to not wait until Jon Anderson recovers from respiratory failure and have replaced him with a Yes cover band singer named Benoit David (no not David Benoit!) and are going on tour with Rick Wakeman's son Oliver on keyboards.

This is really unbelievable. What an amazing amount of disrespect!! Howe, Squire and White should be ashamed. It would be one thing if Jon didn't want to do it. HE DOES! He physically can't and probably COULD do it next year. But these three decided to just fuck him over.

This is not like the Drama days. Anderson and Wakemen left Yes then. So the 3 of them had a right to carry on. They are calling the cover band (and they are a cover band in my book), "In The Present". In The Present? Meaning they couldn't fucking wait.

Oliver Wakeman was drafted to replace his father who did leave the band and Rick was cool with that so no disrespect to Oliver. The Benoit guy is a bad copycat of Jon. I listened to his cover band and he tries real hard to sound like Jon but many times he is flat and it's real painful to listen to.

Howe and Squire have not even contact Jon since his illness and White could be only bothered to call once, all from Jon's my space blog. The bottom line is REAL Yes fans should boycott this tour. It is NOT YES.

Quality Customer Service

When did customer service start being called customer care? How fucking queer is that? I mean let's get one thing straight, you assholes don't CARE about me. However, you fucking better SERVICE me. Compare it to a woman who dates some rich prick. She knows he really doesn't care but hell he better have the fucking checkbook ready to service her.

And the other thing about customer "service" or "care" is that if they are good at what they do, they always act like they give a fuck and then tell you you are basically screwed. They distract you with kindness so you won't notice. In other words, they give you a really nice reacharound while they are fucking you in the ass.

I love when they restate the problem to you and act like the problem really fucking matters to them. I did customer service for years and I know they are either rolling their eyes, making faces or using some obscene gestures. That's basically the only way you can feign kindess for 8 or 9 hours and not wanna put a fucking gun in your mouth.

I can safely say I don't miss being that douchebag on the other end of the phone. I can also say I am sick as shit of the fake compassion. Granted I don't want some fuckface on the other end actually saying what an ass blister I am, but don't piss on my head thinking I like golden showers either. Be fucking real. And if some call coach doesn't like it, tell them to try acting like a programmed shithead for 50 hours a week at $9 an hour.

Johnny Backache

Yesterday really sucked for me. Not that anyone who reads this shit gives a fuck but I started the day with a nice shit which somehow triggered my stomach and intestines to feel sore all day. I mean major bloating. I figured I would just explode. Why not? Like that character in Monty Python's Meaning of Life.

Eventually it settled down some but then my lower back started hurting. I am talking a fucking burning kinda hurt. What the fuck? So who knows if they were related. I don't care really. Both fucked my day up and then the back hurt even worse over night. Of course! So I wound up getting sleep after I got the fucking heating pad. What am I...80 years old???

End of bitching.

Stanhope: Bristol Palin Abortion Donation Update

From Doug Stanhope:

"I’ll keep you updated on how much has been donated through the www.SavingBristol.com site here. If for some strange reason Bristol doesn’t take me up on my offer, I will give all funds donated to www.LillithFund.org who help underprivileged women get free or low-cost abortions. I will donate it on election day in Sarah Palin’s name."

Please visit: www.SavingBristol.com

Rick Wright dies at age 65, rock music is changing

With Pink Floyd keyboardist Rick Wright passing away from a battle with cancer, it means that half the original Floyd is dead (sorry Dave Gilmour) since Syd Barrett passed away in July 2006. And half the original Who lineup is also dead. Sure it's life but it's something we've all never dealt with.

Rock music is relatively young and now those artists from the sixties, who were basically the pioneers, have gotten to their sixties and even seventies. It's amazing that some of them are even alive, see Keith Richards who is 62 by the way. So now you have them dying off. The sad part is that many of these bands stopped making meaningful music years ago.

I will give the Stones credit for still cranking out music. The Who finally realized there was no point to more Pete Townsend solo albums. Floyd stopped making music back in the early nineties after their reunion without Roger Waters. Yes has not released new music since 2001.

So things are changing. We still have the music though. We're lucky to have that. So today I will be remembering Rick Wright and play some Floyd. Rest in peace and thank you.

MXC Monday: Las Vegas Vs. Sesame Street

Family

I was reminded this weekend of how much I love my family. Yeah this is the serious post so skip it if you want tits and ass. We had 2 surprise parties this weekend for my brother and my nephew. So it just made me realize just how important these people are to me. It's amazing really. To be able to share these moments with everyone...it's just incredible. I really hope everyone understand the importance of their family. There is nothing even close.

Album Review: Metallica - Death Magentic

I didn't really expect much from the new Metallica album. They haven't released anything halfway decent in a good 15-20 years, depending on your opinion of the self-titled album. They lost direction under Bob Rock and cranked out 2 half baked Southern boogie metal albums in Load and ReLoad. One could argue there MIGHT have been enough good material for one album but even then, the tempo of those 2 albums was albums a slow plod.

Then they over extended themselves on the blatantly forced "St. Anger" album. That album could have been good if there was a guitar solo or 10 AND if the sound quality didn't out and out suck. I suppose that album was necessary.

But they are back with the Rick Rubin produced "Death Magnetic". The only thing that sucks about this album is the packaging. Why have a hole through the lyric booklet? The music and energy is nothing short of amazing. I was surprised that the band could still play with this kind of intensity and power. Plus there is NO filler on the album.

The songs are their best set since at least the Black Album but probably even further back to "...And Justice For All" or even "Master Of Puppets". The hooks are all over the place and the playing is absolutely sick. Listen to "All Nightmare Long" or the ten minute instrumental "Suicide And Redemption" and tell me these guys aren't BACK!

Besides those 2 tracks, I love "Cyanide", "My Apocalyse" and "The End Of The Line". But there are no weak tracks and the whole album is tight. Rick Rubin clearly deserves a ton of credit for reminding the band that they are Metallica and not Bob Seger's Silver Bullet Band. The production is razorsharp and not overblown like Load or ReLoad or the Black Album and not awful like St. Anger. Note to other bands: avoid Bob Rock.

So believe the hype. Metallica is back and better than ever. Buy this one. It's actually worth it!

Saving Bristol

Please visit Saving Bristol now.

Photobucket Phriday

Keith Olbermann Special Comment 9/10/2008

Olbermann proves why I like him and takes on the clowns of the Republican party and their abuse of 9/11. This is absolutely brilliant.

Lost and found

What is better than finding something you lost or thought you lost? You forget all about it and then bam, as you dig through some pile of shit looking for something else, there it is. Of course then you don't fucking find the thing you were originally looking for. So you kinda break even except that now you are bugged about why the first thing was where you thought the second thing was. Makes sense.

The feel good story of the morning doesn't feel good

There was this story on the Today Show about some woman who blogs about her kids and being a mom who was in a lightplane accident. The folks on the internet raised $100,000 for her and her husband. Sounds like people coming together? No it sounds typical really.

These are fairly well off white folks from Arizona who have enough cash for a lightplane and odds are decent health insurance. Yeah they are in critical condition and I wish them well but come on. Do we even give a fuck about the dirt poor fucks who have life threatening injuries and CAN'T afford health insurance? Of course we don't. They aren't appealing.

But hey if you are white and wealthy and apparently blog about something interesting, you are all set. Well, I am white...

MXC Monday: Surfboard of Death-Organ Donors vs. Recovering Addicts

Jailbait

In my ongoing effort to be completely tasteless and offensive...and drive traffic and be clever...

Album Review: Black Stone Cherry - "Folklore and Superstition"

Black Stone Cherry is fast becoming a favorite of mine. Their debut album really kicked ass, so I was very anxious to hear their follow up. No sophomore slump here! The new album "Folklore and Superstition" is even better than the debut.

The album starts with the first single "Blind Man" and this song just rips. The music, the lyrics and it POUNDS! They have a perfect one two punch with "Please Come In" which has a great hook and sweet chorus.

Other tracks worth noting are "Soul Creek" (amazing vibe), "Things My Father Said" (a song that gets to me each time I hear it), "You" (a beautiful song), "The Key...well hell, the whole album is great! This is one you need to have. If you like heavy rock, if you like southern blues rock, these guys kick major ass. I love it.

Movie Review: Electric Apricot - Quest For Festeroo

Going into the movie, I really figured at best it would be slightly amusing. Les Claypool is an amazing talent but I figured that he is just a musician. How can he write and direct a movie? Well he can.

Electric Apricot is basically a jam band version of Spinal Tap and the movie is a rockumentary...mockumentary? Claypool plays the drummer in the band and he is funny. The whole movie is just funny. He pokes fun at just about everything.

Both Warren Haynes and Matt Abts from Gov't Mule make cameos as part of this mythical Festeroo festival that the Apricot are scheduled to play. Of course they are on a small side stage. Before that they are recording their debut album and Claypool's character Lapdog takes the better part of 2 days setting up his drumkit.

"You only make your first album once." Rent this.

Metallica - "The Day That Never Comes" Music Video

Sarah Palin illegally using "Barracuda"...FRAUD!

Well no surprise here. The Republicans are stealing again. This time Palin uses the Heart classic "Barracuda" to try and make herself look tough. You are still the mayor of Alaska! Oh governor? Same shit. Heart is fighting back though.

Ann and Nancy Wilson had this to say:

"Sarah Palin's views and values in NO WAY represent us as American women. We ask that our song 'Barracuda' no longer be used to promote her image. The song 'Barracuda' was written in the late '70s as a scathing rant against the soulless, corporate nature of the music business, particularly for women. (The 'barracuda' represented the business.) While Heart did not and would not authorize the use of their song at the RNC, there's irony in Republican strategists' choice to make use of it there."

Nancy said she felt "completely fucked over." Well that's how that party works, now isn't? We've been ass raped for 8 years. You think it's gonna stop? This makes it fairly clear. They don't respect musicians' rights. McCain tried using a Jackson Browne song. Folks, no one is more Liberal than Jackson Browne. Fucking ridiculous.

Queen Live Aid 1985

In honor of Freddie Mercury's birthday...

Are you ready for some football? NFL 2008 Predictions!

I think after the last 2 weeks of political propaganda, we are ALL ready for football season. So predictions? My predictions are sure to jinx the teams I pick, so why not?

AFC EAST: New England - Cheaters always win. Add talent to that and you have another good season but not undefeated. The Jets will follow.

AFC NORTH: Pittsburgh - This really wasn't easy as I think Cleveland will be right there with them.

AFC SOUTH: Indianapolis - Again, not by much! I think Jacksonville will push them with even Houston looking better.

AFC WEST: San Diego - I think they are actually the team to beat. Denver will play well but the Chargers are just too good.

AFC WILD CARDS: NY Jets, Cleveland, Jacksonville, Denver...all in the mix but go with the Jets and Jacksonville.

NFC EAST: Dallas - I hate saying it but this is a good team and if they don't win 11 games, they need to fire Wade Phillips. Both the Eagles and Giants will do okay, but just okay.

NFC NORTH: Green Bay - No Favre, no problem. The division is actually fairly weak since the Bears effectively quit playing offense entirely. The Vikings still don't have a QB and the Lions are still run by Matt Millen.

NFC SOUTH: New Orleans - Well what the fuck did you think I was gonna say? Still they are picked to rebound. The offense still rocks and they seem to have fixed the defense. Watch Tampa Bay.

NFC WEST: Arizona - This is my reach. I do think Seattle is there with them but Arizona (behind the old man Warner) will make the jump to a winning team.

NFC WILD CARDS: Philadelphia, Tampa Bay, NY Giants, Seattle are in the mix...but go with Tampa Bay and the Giants. Remember they will barely have winning records!

So that's it. I've made my NFL 2008 predictions. They will be wrong. What are yours?

Doug Stanhope on Sarah Palin

Beating a dead horse or Sarah Palin the punching bag

So now our favorite mayor...or was that governor? Whatever. The Alaskan Nightmare, Sarah Palin is showing what a great fucking choice she is. Her 17 year old daughter is pregnant. First off Palin names her kids after weird objects, Bristol...Track...Trig? What the fuck do they smoke in Alaska???

Well the kid is pregnant and the boyfriend is a real fucking peach. He's a "fucking redneck" in his own words. Yeah there's a keeper. But wait that's not all. Palin is being investigated for corruption. Didn't Rudy say she fought corruption? I guess he's confused. It turns out Sarah Palin IS corrupt. Nothing beats an ethics investigation.

Odds makers are saying she has a better chance of getting dropped from the ticket than getting elected. Nice job, McCain! His campaign is officially bleeding from the mouth. Let's just pick a random female politician from a hat as our running mate. You might have done some research. Too bad.

Richard Pryor - Stir Crazy - The Hospital Scene

Album Review: Presto Ballet - The Lost Art of Time Travel

Another great release in 2008, Presto Ballet has exceeded all expectations with "The Lost Art of Time Travel." I liked the debut "Peace Among The Ruins" quite alot. It was melodic old school prog but it never ventured into "epic". That's been resolved.

"The Lost Art of Time Travel" is melodic old school prog but it stretches things out much more than the debut with 4 of the 7 tracks exceeding 9 minutes. Don't be afraid though. Presto Ballet never lose you along the way. They really relish in the American traditional prog rock like Kansas or even old Styx.

Presto Ballet is the brainchild of Metal Church (yes Metal Church) guitarist Kurdt Vanderhoof. As good as Presto Ballet is, it makes you wonder why Vanderhoof didn't form Presto Ballet sooner or why he dragged on with Metal Church.

There is not a weak track or a sing piece of filler on this album. It does have some crunch but it's not metal. Singer Scott Albright can definitely sing and at times reminds me of Dennis DeYoung if DeYoung wasn't obnoxious. Albright has a better tone and range. The rest of the band can flat out play, especially Vanderhoof.

This will definitely be in my top 5 for the year. If you like prog rock (Kansas, Yes, Genesis, old Styx) at all, you need this album. All 7 tracks are amazing with "Thieves", "You're Alive" and "One Tragedy At A Time" being my favorites but that's really not fair to the other tracks.

Bottom line: buy this, it's a classic.

MXC Monday on Tuesday: Sinkers and Floaters: America VS The World

HOT PORN! LOOK! BOOBS! TITS! SEXY!! a gag...

In an effort to get traffic, I've actually uploaded some porn. Yes yes. I've clearly sold out.

Yes that's porn the idiot way! I am thinking of all those poor, horny Turkish who are pissed after watching that.

testing 1 2 3

Labor Day: Another bullshit holiday

Labor Day is a United States federal holiday observed on the first Monday in September. The holiday originated in 1882 as the Central Labor Union (of New York City) sought to create "a day off for the working citizens". Congress made Labor Day a federal holiday in 1894. All fifty states have made Labor Day a state holiday.

Traditionally, Labor Day is celebrated by most Americans as the symbolic end of the summer.

And now the truth. This is just another meaningless holiday. It might be the MOST meaningless since it's just an excuse to give people a day off. Not that I mind a day off but this is not a "holiday". People actually do celebrate it by having annoying parties where people stay too long, drink too much and do stupid ass things.

So Labor Day has nothing to do with labor since we don't work. It's just the end of summer. Back to school, you little shits.